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Dear Senator McCain

Aug 1st 2006MichaelArizona & Border Security & Politics

The Honorable John McCain
241 Russell Senate Ofc. Bldg.
United States Senate
Washington DC 20510

Dear Senator McCain,

As a native Coloradoan now living in Arizona, and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Immigration and Naturalization Service in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you. For som ereason they told me to bring a head of lettuce and you would find me a jobs that pays $50 per hour with no taxes taken out

My reasons for wishing to change my status from U.S.citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you sponsored. If my understanding of this bill’s provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, what I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.

I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year, so I’m excited about the prospect of avoiding two of the last five years taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine.

Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent return for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005. I estimate a gross savings of approximately $72,000. After the fine, this would yield me a net savings of $70,000. In addition, I would reap the other benefits of being an illegal alien such as free healthcare, avoidance of paying Social Security taxes, buying automobile insurance, serving on jury panels, etc.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your loyal constituent,

Michael Hawn

Hat Tip for the letter from my good friend Mustang

6 Comments »

6 Responses to “Dear Senator McCain”

  1. Raven on 03 Aug 2006 at Thu 03 August 2006 05:53:49 #

    LOL!!! OH I am so gonna link to this.

  2. And Rightly So! » I want to be Illegal on 03 Aug 2006 at Thu 03 August 2006 06:11:26 #

    [...] Fed up with illegal immigration? Are you pissed off that Illegal criminals have more benefits than American citizens? Write to your Senator. Michael did. Dear Senator McCain, [...]

  3. Ogre on 04 Aug 2006 at Fri 04 August 2006 06:22:04 #

    I think a letter that this particular Senator might understand better is in order:

    You Suck.

  4. Michael on 04 Aug 2006 at Fri 04 August 2006 22:05:23 #

    Yes he does. But I am stuck with him for a little while more and I might as well get him to give me some benifits….

  5. Seth on 06 Aug 2006 at Sun 06 August 2006 22:32:44 #

    Michael, since you live in his bailywick, what’s the inside scoop on why the side of his face sticks out?

  6. Al on 18 Aug 2006 at Fri 18 August 2006 11:22:48 #

    Be very carefull what you say about Mr.insane Mc pain.He could be your new El President-ta. Boy I never thought it would ever get this bad,witch low life scum ball do you vote for?